I have been a wedding photographer for many years and I always thought I knew what went into preparing for the big day. Every week I communicate with vendors, talk to planners, tweak timelines…. I know all about this from beginning to end… Right?! Wrong! Until I was actually a bride myself, I realized that I knew half… no a quarter… well probably a 1/16th of what it takes to make the day go as planned. Within the first week I was overwhelmed and losing sleep, and I am used to high pressure days and am always as calm as a cucumber. To put this even more into perspective… I already knew exactly where I wanted the wedding to be, what vendors I was going to use and exactly what decor I was going to have. I was way ahead of the game…or so I thought. There were so many other things that I had to think of, decide on, and budget for, which is why I’m putting pen to paper (or fingers to keys) in an effort to help my amazing brides even more than I already thought I was.
So this blog is for you, my super excited, newly engaged, bright eyed bride to be: You are in for a ride and I want to help you. I will show you what I did, tell you what I should have done and give you a step by step recipe for success. Here goes!!
Step 1: Hire a planner. Do it. Now. It’s the best money you will ever spend. Your planner can help you with the entire process, a portion of it or be your day of coordinator. Ask about packages and what options you have with each one. My planner was my teacher, my therapist, my budget manager and my bffl. I miss her now that we do not talk everyday. I am 100% the creative type. I’m not organized and am a fly by the seat of the pants kind of person so I needed the full shebang. And she was my savior. Are you type A and pay attention to every detail? Think you don’t need her? Sorry but you do. You are too close to this. You will need a person to be an objective sounding board and alleviate some of the stress that has been piled onto your plate. Your planner is your expert. She knows when your save the dates are supposed to be mailed and how to make sure that your guests receive their selection of beef or chicken. She will help you decide where to seat Aunt Fran and the date your friend is bringing that currently only fits at the singles table. And after changing your mind of the centerpieces for the 18th time, who else is going to tell you to put Pinterest down?! Think of it as investing in peace if mind. This person is your personal Olivia Pope of your wedding (and if you don’t understand this reference and don’t watch Scandal please start, I will be devastated if it’s cancelled).
Step 2: Prioritize – What is most important to you? List your top three and then your top ten. Your top three are where your money should go. Mine were Photography/Videography (Only thing you walk away with besides your man and a dirty dress), Venue (I wanted a venue that reminded me of where I grew up and I wanted to make sure that I loved my rain plan at least almost as much as plan A, and The Dress (If I’m going to be looking at this thing forever it better be fabulous).
Step 3: Budget – Who is helping you? Are you paying for it on your own? How much can each contributor realistically put towards your grand total? This will help you when you have to make decisions. Trust me, your budget will get out of hand really quickly. This is a good time to call on your super hero… I mean planner. If the $1000 dollar invitations are number 9 on your list and it will keep you from getting number 2 on your list. That’s when you need more options.
Step 4: Guest List – This was definitely the hardest part for us. We have so many people that we love and wanted to invite every single one of them. Realistically, however, the per person expense is something that has to seriously be taken into consideration. Make an A list and a B list. The A list is family, your absolute besties, and the obligation invitees. Fill this list until you have reached your maximum number. The B list is the people you really hope you can invite. As A list people say no… you fill the slot in with the B list. I know. It sounds awful to have a “B” list but trust me, there will be B list people that you are dying to invite but have to wait for some of the other invitees to respond no. (So all you people out there that hang on to your RSVP’s… Shame on you! Totally something you do not see the importance in until you plan a wedding yourself.)
Our wedding was out of town for everyone, including us, so we expected to receive a lot of regretfully declines. To our surprise, however, we received a ton of “Yay! I’m booking my plane tickets!” I can not tell you what a wonderful feeling it is to have friends and family from all over so excited to celebrate with you. Many of which will go through hardship to get there. My aunt, for example, has had cancer for going on ten years and has to have an oxygen tank constantly in tow. Her and my uncle live in Pittsburgh and flying was out of the question. That wasn’t going to stop her! She booked a train, ordered a bunch of travel oxygen tanks that were delivered to her hotel and made sure she was there. That is just one example of the love that was showered on us that weekend.
Step 5: Venue – Your venue choice will often determine your date. If you have your heart set on a particular date AND a particular venue, then my advice to you is to book early! The best venues usually book up 12-15 months in advance. If the date is flexible, then focus on finding the venue that is perfect for you (& your budget), and then set your date once you see the venue’s availability. Note: Your date is not considered booked until you have a SIGNED contract and paid deposit with the venue.
Step 6: Vendors – This might need an entire blog all on it’s own. I can’t tell you how passionate I am about picking the RIGHT vendors for your wedding day. The number one thing is to ALWAYS hire a professional! This doesn’t mean your brothers uncle can successfully shoot your wedding because he is the photographer for all of the church events. No, No, No. Refer to step 3, review your top priorities, and put your money in those places first. Your wedding planner should have a list of reputable wedding vendors that she/or he has worked with and established trusted relationships. This is so important! Did you find a great deal on Groupon for a makeup artist? BE AWARE! Trust me when I say that going for the “best deal” is not always the best idea. Do your research! Look at their reviews online via their website and Wedding Wire.
Another tip is to hire a professional videographer (and again not your neighbors cousin or best friend that has a cool camera – ask your photographer for recommendations because they will have people they work well with which is very important.) A lot of the time videographers are last on the list and it floors me! I repeat! The documentation of your wedding and your man are all you walk away with. Preserve those memories!
Step 7: Dress – Ladies, it is ALL about the DRESS! Am I right? The very first detail I chose was my wedding dress, and let me tell you why. It’s important that your dress goes well with your theme, for example, if you are having a beach wedding on the sand, choosing a dress that is more elegant with lots of layers and accents won’t really match, or be comfortable for you to wear in the sun & sand. Our wedding was tuscan themed and I knew that I wanted something romantic, sexy and soft at the same time. I totally thought that the getting all emotional over your dress was “made for tv” but I had my moment when I found her. I absolutely did not want to take the dress off and my BFF cried her eyes out when she saw me in it. Be in love with the dress. Wish that you could wear it every.single.day.
Step 8: Timeline – If you are going to listen to step 1 this step will be much easier or you. Either way there are a few decisions you have to make to determine how the flow of the day will go. Are you doing a first look? Do you know what a first look is? A first look is when the couple has a private reveal before the wedding. Doing a first look allows for a portion of the portraits and possibly even family photos to be taken before the wedding. I love first looks for several reasons. One is the reaction… Since it’s just the two of you and your photographer/videographer, you get an honest uninhibited reaction. Everyone gets to say what they want to say without everyone watching. It’s also nice to get some of your photos out of the way. You are paying a lot of money for this day and you want to enjoy it and spend as much time as possible with your guests. Doing photos before hand might offer the chance to join some of the cocktail hour. I always say that you get to be royalty for one day so if you have your heart set on seeing each other for the first time as you walk down the aisle then that is what will happen!
Step 9: Ceremony – The biggest tip I can give you here is to make your ceremony unplugged. From a photographers perspective, there is nothing uglier than a bunch of screens in the air in the beautiful ceremony space you spent months designing. We understand that your aunt loves to take photos, but she’s in your photographers way. From the brides perspective, your guests can’t really be present if they are trying to take a photo or video rather than listening and being in this most special moment with you. And did I mention it makes your pictures ugly?!
My second snippet of advice is to write your own vows if that is something you both are comfortable with. If not, that’s okay too, many couples don’t. But it does make it feel so much more personal when you do. When writing your own vows, just speak from the heart, and don’t worry about making it too short or too long, this is YOUR wedding day, and these are YOUR vows & promises to YOUR future husband or wife. Your ceremony can set the tone for the wedding so when possible, adding personal touches can make it that much more memorable.
Step 10: Party! – This is another great time to utilize that fabulous wedding planner you hired! He or She can help you devise a timeline to ensure the flow of the day and the events of the reception move along seamlessly. Who will give a speech, when will they give it, when will the music start, when is the first dance, when will you exit, ect.
A tidbit of advice from all of the weddings we work… Talk to whoever is going to give a speech and remind them to take it easy at the bar until after their speech. No one wants to hear about the exes that you should have married or incoherent ramblings about the college days. The rest of the bridal party should just worry about taking it slow until after photos.
You should also decide what type of music you will have. Will it be a DJ or a Band? The main thing is to think about your group as a whole, what will they enjoy most and what can you do to keep the party going all night? Photo booths are a great way to have people interact and have fun together when they aren’t on the dance floor or at the bar.
My final lesson to you? It’s worth it! Even through the agonizing parts, the decision making and the penny pinching, it is totally worth it. Celebrating your love with those that are closest to you will make it the best day ever!
Happy Wedding Planning!!!
If you would like to see the documentation of our wedding click here!
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